The Twilight Report

from here to there

2009-03-01T02:57:00

I often feel out of place. Sometimes it goes away and sometimes it sticks around. Nobody likes not understanding the rules of a given social situation, and everyone has different ways of dealing with that. For me it's bad enough that I tend to avoid new situations and stick with what I know. For example, I tend to eat at the same restaurants, rather than risk not knowing what to order, or if this place takes credit card, or a thousand other things that I am entirely capable of dealing with. I don't think I have ever revealed that piece of information to anyone before! I am usually pretty good at hiding just how not okay I am with being in new situations. I think if someone found out that would be even worse for me, than being in a new situation. It seems pretty silly when I write it out like that, but there it is.

It's entirely different when I'm with people I am comfortable with. Friends are like a force multiplier with me. They turn me into someone different, they make me more confident and powerful! I feel totally different. The truth is that I have all of that inside of me, and sometimes if I work really hard I can even express those amazing powers when I am on my own, but it is hard to do.

(I get ramblely...)

Good movie, but a downer

2006-04-03T13:32:00

I was in David Jones yesterday and they were playing music from Requiem for a Dream. It was a good movie, but kind of a downer for when one is buying interview clothes in the hope of one day getting a job.

Regarding The Fountain (by the same director): I know nothing about this film aside from what I just read about it on Wikipedia, but regardless, Hugh Jackman is a way better choice than Brad Pitt, because Jackman is Australian, and besides, I heard Brad Pitt smells.

Paper Clips

2004-12-18T23:18:00

I'm thinking about cooking some pasta for dinner, which of course brings up the whole low carb thing. It's a serious inconvenience that pasta is now worse than slathering your blood red cow stake with the thickest bacon grease imaginable, because when cooking for people you have to think up something more complicated to make. So I send Tyler an IM asking: "are you on any of those funky low carb diets?" in hopes that if he comes out to visit me in New York I can make something simple like pasta. But he doesn't answer me right away.

I decided I really needed a paper clip. I riffled through my desk drawer, but come up with nothing. I decide to go buy some and tell Tyler: "i need to go get paper clips. i'll be back in a bit."

To which he responds: "no; they don't work. my dad actually wrote a book which describes why"

I was about to walk out of the room, but I stop with a feeling of dread in my heart. Suddenly I had been thrust into some strange universe where Mr. Spock has a goatee and for some reasons all paper clips have become non functional. I wonder what else is different about this parallel universe? And why did Tyler's father write an entire book on why paper clips don't work? I've been so wrapped up in the future and being an optimist and all that B.S. that I have made myself susceptible to believing it just may be true when somebody tells me something like "paper clips don't work."

"huh? what?" I type.

Then I remember the question before that. "oh. heh. cool. got confused there."

Tyler responds with: "the diets"

"i thought you were saying PAPER CLIPS didn't work."

Relieved that I wouldn't have to double check my Star Trek DVDs to insure that Spock didn't have any extra whiskers (except of course for that one episode that he did), I went off to get some paper clips.

On the way back I'm listening to a CD I burned with just music that I like to listen to and none of the extra chaff which is on those CDs that those musical corporations expect us to buy. It struck me recently that with the exception of the first ("reptile") and last song ("suicide notes") it is all "happy" music, and that I haven't been much interested in listening to the "unhappy" tracks. Guthrie used to imply that the fact that I used to listen to depressing music made me unhappy. I contend (as I did then) that I listened to depressing music because I was depressed, and now that I prefer to listen to "happy" music because I am optimistic.

For a second there it didn't even bother me that I still don't have plans for New Years Eve. It occurs to me that New Years Eve is really Old Years Night... and is so about the past, not The Future.